Whew….this is a good one. I could take it in many directions. First off I’m still alive by a lot of dumb luck. There were many times my behavior was so foolish that I’m honestly amazed I came out unscathed. Like the time I was so impatient waiting on an upcoming crossing train that I darted out around the big DO NOT CROSS arms and flashing lights and holy shit the train was right there. I do not know how I didn’t get hit. It was that close. I actually pulled over and cried once I got through. I shook for a solid hour after I got home. I didn’t even look before I darted. I just assumed the train was way down the tracks. So stupid.
There was the time over spring break, in Mexico, that I went to a strangers hotel room to party with a group of people I didn’t know. Dumb enough on its own, but eventually they all passed out and I decided it was a good idea to walk back to my hotel room on the other side of town at about 4 am. Alone. In the dark. In Mexico. Thankfully a nice cabbie found me and drove me back to my room for free. Proof that good people do exist.
I have a handful of experiences of that nature that I kick myself for daily. But I survived them all. Mostly I think I’m still here because I am not a quitter. I’m a fighter. I fight for what I believe in, and I try and try until I can’t try anymore to make things work in my world. I could have given up on my life plenty of times, and once or twice I almost did. Almost. But that’s not me. Hear me, world? NOT THIS GIRL. I won’t curl up and die when things get rough for me. I will cry and be sad and angry and hurt but I won’t cease to be me. Underneath all my insecurities and fears lies a pretty kick ass woman who can get shit done. So why am I still here? That’s easy. Because I want to be here, and no one, not anyone, not you, will break me.