Five things I sleep with on a regular basis these days…

Something light before I hit you with an Ivy update…

* Dummies. (No not that kind of dummy) Pacifiers, binkys, Wa – wahs, suckers. That kind of dummy. I will usually wake up with at least one plastered to my back, cheek or various other exposed body parts.

* Socks. Ok. What is it with socks? Sometimes the kids don’t even go to bed with socks on and yet, by morning it appears that, not only have socks found their way into my bedding, they have found some bizarre inanimate way to reproduce. Like rabbits, I tells ya!

* At least one other person, who isn’t my husband. Now gutter minds, I mean that in the cleanest sense. Once I even woke up to find Lily and Lily’s friend in bed with me. They had had a bad dream but I have no recollection of inviting them into the bed. None. Usually, it’s Ivy. If Noah comes in, it’s usually to wake me up and demand a ’shakey’.

Just on a tangent, this morning he was rolling around the bed, yowling to me that ‘he get up. NOW’. I asked him did he know what I wanted and his response was…’Yes. You get up too’.

Actually that wasn’t what I wanted but anyway.

* Various toys. Sadly not adult toys. “Ted” was in my bed this morning with his pants around his ankles. Does that count as an adult toy?

* Bodily fluids. Again, not the kind that many young 20 somethings would be thinking. I’m telling you right now, there is a miriad of bodily fluid that is in NO way related to sex and beds. Actually, now I think about it…

Spew, the great bed evacuator.

Urine, love that morning urine smell. Not.

And… other… stuff.

Let’s just say sometimes even the most robust night nappies cannot withstand the acid that is the Ivy – girl’s poo.

Yeah…I think I’ll leave it there.