I need a holiday. Seriously.

There is a point you reach where you just feel like you are going to break.

Not just a holiday but a real break from everything.

I need time to find myself, to be the best that I can be.

How can I teach my children about respect when I have none for myself?

My life has been a series of unfortunate events for such a long time that, now, when things are going well, I don’t know who I am or what to do with myself.

Next week I am going to cancel my first paediatrician appointment ever

and

I am in a panic about it.

I am so used to the routine of appointments and touching base with the medical profession, my lifeline, that the thought of not going has me lost.

It makes me want to sit in a corner and rock.

How sad is that?

My midwifery skills lay in tatters, discarded for full time parenting and nursing of Ivy and I can find no way back. I’m not even sure I want to go back, if I have the confidence to be that person, I once was.

For the most part, I find it incredibly hard to string a sentence together, when talking to people in real life. What do I talk about?

I have nothing of interest to hold the attention of a friend, let alone a stranger.

Once I had dreams and aspirations but now I feel as though I am just trying to keep my head above water, trying to float, not flail and sink.

How do you rebuild yourself after having every last piece frittered away, after you’ve given yourself wholly?

I don’t want to sound mean or ungrateful.

I am in love and in awe of my children.

What I want to know is how do you define yourself when your children no longer do?

Who am I now?